Before the thaw...

I am Demeter
In the dead-cold of
Winter.
Long past her
Fiery anger,
Beyond her
Icy rage
I stand in the
Frozen, fear-filled
Silence.
Only longing
Howling in the wind...
No Harmony,
My Persephone.

Reflection

When did I become so
Afraid?
Will I ever stop feeling like a
Shadow of myself?

Where did the maiden go?

Where is the confident young
Woman I once was?
How did I become the very
Thing that crushed her spirit?

Where did I go?

Too much chaos in the
Silence.
My heart is so broken,
My head can't keep up.

I wonder how much the
Pain of my heart has
Manifested itself in the
Ache of my bones?

Displaced anger,
Displaced fear...

Eventually, I have to go down the rabbit hole
And face the Queen of "Hearts" alone.

How do I face the
Woman in the mirror?

My Mother...
myself.

Tears for Judas

The Flag.

Yeah, you know the one.

It is the color of
Her innocence-
That treasure you took.
Like a fairy,
who pays you dark dreams,
You left your
Magic-man memory dust
On Her Pillow.

I washed the nightmares away.
With each tear that fell upon my breast,
I held her so close
That her tears became mine.
And mine,
Hers.

My Daughter's cries crashed,
Like a river, into me-
Waters raging.
I engulfed her loss
And damned it up
Inside myself.

Now,
Pain and beauty
Coexist.
Love and hate
Take hands,
And guide me to a place
Where there is forgiveness
For every Sin;
Where there is mercy
For a Man that can
Change.

At the end of the day,
It is an alcoholic's coat
That warms me
In the swirl of my cigarette smoke,
And snowflakes
Falling around me in the night.
They rest upon my hair
And the stitching of
Daddy's Jack-et.

All around me,
White.

~Written 1/16/2015

his Destruction

I am the giving tree...

torn down, dissected, burned.
Ghost pains from phantom limbs cut me,
even when the boys are long gone.

My growth was continually
stunted.
I gave myself away,
piece by beautiful
Piece...

gone, used, destroyed.
Only a stump remains,
36 rings exposed.

I bear the brunt of
man's destruction.
There is no way to hide
how the years have changed
Me.

My little seedlings,
green and new,
Arise toward the light,
unafraid.
My branches cannot
protect them from
Extending to the
sun.

Alas, my damage is
a reminder of
Life's unrelenting elements,
but fear does not stay them.

Why am I afraid?

I have no choice but to evolve
past the scars, past the pain,
Past the
past.

I am changing, even still...

I quench my thirst
on the rains of hope.
I release in the winds of change
the memory of what I could have been.
In the rich earth,
my roots of love extend to the beauty around me.

I will grow on.
I still give life.

I am the giving tree...


~Written 1/1/2015

For those women who bear the scars of abuse in any form.

The Little Girl I Left Behind

In the war,
In her mind,
Parents lies are landmines.
In the mirror,
Everyday,
She sees all that "they" say.
Heart-y scars
On her skin
Mask the beauty within.
To her truth
She is blind,
The little girl I left behind...

Testing waters
Everywhere,
Drowning in a life that never played fair.
Abandoned and
Adrift alone,
I pray for strength to lead her home.
No compass shows
Where love begins.
She's lost inside the storm of her sins.
No harbor left for her to find,
The little girl I left behind...

My broken heart
Cannot forget
That she is my one regret.
Shadow spirit,
Sister soul,
Only love will make her whole.
She is brave.
She can fight.
She knows there's beauty in the night.
Memories are all I've left to guide
The little girl I left behind...

~Written 1/2/2015

Inspired by Tyra. You and Lexi will always be my heart-daughters. I love and miss you both. I hope you both remember how precious you are.

Siren Song

I am a Siren
And you are a Sailor.
I'm but a Muse
To a chorus of failure.
No deity, no altar,
My children are my lodestar,
My Trinity to behold.
My story, untold
Lies frozen on waters
Of Demons, of Martyrs...

Hold tight to thy mast
And strong to your sail,
For my Windsong is fast,
Strong, sacred and veiled.

Great oceans of tears,
Unfathomable horrors,
Sick sadness will linger
Once you reach the shore.

Yet, this voyage of Truth
That could tear you apart
Also harbors a treasure...
A good Woman's heart.

~Written 11/22/2013
 
Special thanks to Jerry Kraft for his guidance on this poem.